Archive for the ‘Leading a Great Life’ Category

Fitness Vision or Workout Routine

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 by Angela

Since grammar school, I was a workout fanatic. I worked out all the time. I played sports and wanted to be involved in active activities. I couldn’t stand being on the beach unless I was doing something. It was really more of a frenzy and fanatic lifestyle. I was doing it more to avoid certain things in my life and to not gain weight. They were all reactive reasons rather than for a higher purpose.

Don’t get me wrong- it was a better choice to be active and engaged than a lot of things I could have chosen. The only problem was it wasn’t fulfilling. I was just trying to get through the workout- didn’t really experience it all. After I graduated college, I continued being committed to working out, however I started making fitness goals. I started running and doing races. I was striving towards improving my times. I tried new things. I learned how to swim again to be able to do a triathlon. So, now I was focused on positive outcomes and goals. Better step, but still unfulfilling to what I was hoping for.

I did some work with Judith Wright and her Soft Addictions work and The One Decision. I began to understand what it meant to have a vision for my body- a higher purpose. My vision includes that I am a fit and healthy woman. My body is flexible and strong. I enjoy experiencing my body in all ways. It was from this that then the goals for running, working out, lifting weights started to have more meaning. I would use my vision to help me get started on the days I didn’t want to. I used my vision to decide the choice of workout that was important for me. I got more creative. I had more workout partners to be engaged with while I was working out. I would notice my breathing, feel my muscles, think through ideas, and have feelings when I worked out now. I was more alive and enjoying working out as something more not just something I had to do. Having a vision in all areas my life has helped provide me with more meaning, purpose and connection in my life and a greater reason to keep working out.

Are “boys” a soft addiction?

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009 by Jillian

I was in a conversation today with a talented and attractive young single woman. She shared how enlightened she became realizing that for her, boys were a soft addiction. It might seem strange to think that boys can be a soft addiction, but it’s really not.  The definition of a soft addiction is a ”seemingly harmless habit that zaps our time, money and energy”, and these habits that we do instinctually are trained in our brains to try to get our needs met. These habits don’t work, they don’t meet our needs, and we just deepen the groove in our brains – the neural pathways-  that keep us doing the same thing over and over with the same unsatisfying result.

This woman talked about how she would spend a lot of her time thinking about these boys she was meeting, sending text messaging, and fantasizing about the future with these boys, but then was unsatisfied with the actual dating encounter. I thought about how much I’ve grown in my own dating life and how I’ve really cut out a lot of the unsatisfying bullsh*t that can go along in the dating process. But, really, I do relate. I still play games – softly addictive ways of being- in my dating life. The biggest one for me is the soft addiction of avoidance and ommitting the truth. I routinely avoid sharing how I really feel and what I really want in relationships. It is such a habit for me that it takes writing down what I want to say, telling a friend that I plan on telling my date these things, and even then it takes a lot of chutzpah to do it! At least once a week after a phone conversation with someone I’m dating has ended, I force myself to call back and share what it was that I was really feeling and what I really wanted- otherwise that which I’ve ommitted blocks the intimacy that I am trying to build.

Underneath these soft addictions are unexpressed feelings and deeper hungers. For me, I feel fear and excitement, and experience a hunger to be loved, to be seen, and to matter. I think that’s why I do what I do – the silly wiring in my brain has be thinking that if I share what I want, I won’t get it, and then for sure I won’t be loved. I would bet that the young woman I spoke with was feeling angry about the back and forth superficial text messaging, and a hunger for genuine connection, and so spent time in her fantasies where she could create the relationship that she wants. We talked about this and shared that we are trying new ways of relating to these boys/men, telling the truth, expressing our feelings – in text messages to start – and then in real face to face interactions. This is what it takes to rewiring our brains and start to meet our deeper needs and hungers.

So, I think that boys, or men, certainly can be a soft addiction, but more important it is the ways of being when we are with boys/men that is the issue. Boys and men are great! The soft addictions that we engage in during the dating process is the problem! But isn’t it cool that we can use boys and men to see how different we act, catch these patterns and then change them?

Any thoughts?

Skew and Suspect: The Job of (Not) Getting a Job

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009 by Kate

Barbara Ehrenreich, author of Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America has taken on the role of undercover reporter in the job-seeking world again in Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream. Her second book follows the formula of the first, and I found the entire approach an upsetting primer in how NOT to get a job.

Ehrenreich’s perilous process is as follows:

1) Suspect the worst of “corporate America” and of work life in general. Believe that work is an entitlement, and that any company that expects more than 9 to 5 from its employees and guarantees anything less than a lifelong commitment  is contributing to the general anxiety of America’s white-collar populace. Please, don’t consider work a potential source of enjoyment, affirmation, sense of self-worth, and feeling of meaning and accomplishment.

2) Assume a false identity that downplays your biggest achievement to date. If you are a successful writer, revert to your maiden name and craft an identity as a PR professional and event planner, playing up a minor feature of your resume in order to break into another industry.

3) Knock networking. Diss your fellow participants as drab, droll, and dearly misguided—and be convinced that they are only interested in selling you their product or service.

4) Be intent on thwarting the support that is offered to you. When a coach offers you a model or method for approaching your experience (personality tests, for example), critique the coaching industry as a whole, the specific tool in question, and the coach’s personal ethic and morals rather than looking sincerely at your own blocks or issues (such has your ill will toward business, bosses, or authority in general—see #1) that may legitimately stand in the way of you being gainfully and longitudinally employed.

I found the book humorous, despite the continuous attack on people who genuinely seek to support others in their careers.

It is Ehrenreich who has orchestrated a “bait and switch” at every stage of her game. More importantly, she misunderstands the essence of the real transformation happening in America. Whether the people at the top of corporations masterminding the changes Ehrenreich suggests are cutting the middle class off at the knees and creating a class of pertpetually in transition white-collar workers are truly as evil as she believes  is irrelevant.

The reality is that big businesses are shrinking and can’t be counted on for lifetime employment, while small business and entrepreneurship is on the rise. Increasingly we will all need to function as corporations of one — people who are aware of our skills and gifts, adept at representing ourselves and our value accurately, and intent on creating truthful and mutually beneficial relationships inside and outside of our lives as businesspeople.

“Sacred Travel” to a Park

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009 by Angela

It was a average day and it looked like rain. I had several errands to run before work and didn’t have much time. My son who is 2 really wanted to go to the park. I scheduled out the morning and worked it out to have about an hour to get to and from the park and have maybe 45 mins to play there and then I would go straight to work.

As the morning progressed, things were moving along and of course you don’t plan for the little detours that happen. The time was getting tighter. I looked at the clock and I have 35 minutes to go to the park. My mind went back and forth- go, not go. I had all the reasons in the world to not go- not enough time, it probably will rain, etc. 

Suddenly, I remember what I had learned from Judith Wright over the years on the sacred travel trips and pilgrimages she leads each year. We would be in a different city and we would have a small window of time. She would have us go into a museum and see one specific painting she read about or go into a temple and pray and meditate or wherever she would have us go. We would take in the awe and wonderment of that place in a short period of time realizing you don’t really need that much time to have a great experience yet I know I tell myself all the time that I need more time to do it. 

With that memory, I said we are going to the park. I cruised there with my son in the baby jogger, me in my work attire and computer bag. We got to the park and I set my timer for 22 minutes. I told my son we only have a small time to play and let’s go. He had a blast in those 22 minutes. He went up and down the slide several times, hung from the monkey bars. He even met a little friend who lives close to where I work and I met her mom. We all connected in a short period of time. I felt I had a pilgrimage moment at a park.

I am grateful for the lessons I have learned on the trips Judith Wright has lead. I have learned how to experience life more fully and it has transformed how I travel and how I take “mini” trips every day.

Liar, liar, pants on fire. Instill the principle of truth and fight back against lying in your family!

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 by Beryl

Not again! Your child has just lied to you, and then compounded the situation by denying it. You’re angry and frustrated. What do you do?

Don’t freak out – lying is a natural stage that every child goes through! It is normal for a child to test the limits to get attention. Most children lie because they are afraid to tell the truth – just like adults they have already formed beliefs about the “okayness” of the truth”.

If a child doesn’t learn to get positive attention, they will surely seek out negative attention. So give them the positive attention that they crave. Underline the positive moves that they make and the things that they do well. Ask them open-ended questions about their answers, such as “tell me about what’s underneath the lying”. Create a safe space for them to learn about telling the truth, and give them lots of positive reinforcement for “fessing up” to a lie they have told.
Share your journey with the truth with them and what’s underneath lying for you – it will create a sense of mutuality with your child that will open a more open and honest dialogue that may continue for years to come.

Want to know more about being a great parent? Visit www.wrightliving.com/programs/parenting and find out.

5 Ways to Reawaken Your Deepest Desires

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 by Beryl

Lost your passion (or zest) for life? Having trouble staying focused on what’s in front of you? Spending too much time worrying about the past or the future? If you have trouble focusing on what you need to do and have a hard time staying in the moment, don’t despair. You may just need an “urge booster”!

Urges – believe it or not – are our friends. They tell us what is really going on inside us – our desires, our passions and our yearnings—and allow us to more fully experience the every moments of our lives. However, in reality, most people confuse real urges with “counterfeit” urges – those habits or behaviors we engage in for immediate gratification that don’t bring us any real satisfaction – such as chocolate, overwatching television or impulse shopping.

What’s the difference? Real urges meet deeper needs and get you engaged in the moment. People who follow their urges are more satisfied and more productive. So be ready to recognize your counterfeit urges and embrace your real urges. Here’s how to embrace your real urges and live more fully in the moment: 1. Ask Yourself What You’re Feeling. Knowing your emotions will help you be more engaged. 2. What do you really want? Look underneath the urge to the deeper need that you could be meeting. It could be you are wanting comfort or to be appreciated and affirmed. 3. Notice what beliefs are holding you back from expressing your urge. It could be that you think you’ll look stupid or silly and be embarrassed. 4. Take a risk and follow your urge. Risks are a necessary part of full engagement in your life, leading to more satisfaction and fulfillment.

Want to learn more about following your urges? Visit www.theonedecision.com and find out.

Smoking kills, but we don't care…

Friday, September 18th, 2009 by Jillian

I had been smoking cigarettes for about 9 years before I decided to quit. I had several attempts before I figured out what would work for me, and I was surprised that the reasons it wasn’t for my health. I just read this article http://www.buzzle.com/articles/reasons-to-stop-smoking-why-should-you-quit-smoking.html and was surprised that many of these reasons were health related. I did not quit because  smoking is bad for my health. THe extreme warning on a pack of cigarettes does not deter from the millions of addicts’ desire to have another cigarette.

My reason for quitting was because I wanted to know myself, and every time I had a cigarette I was taking myself out of the game of life!  Through tracking every time I had a cigarette, I realized that most of the time it was because I was having a feeling – mad at someone, hurt by someone’s comment, needing a break, and even wanting to celebrate. But getting away to have a cigarette was actually squelching all these feelings, and I never got to know why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I just formed this habit that  kept me feeling wired, buzzed, and numb.

 I made my One Decision (see www.judithwright.com)  to know myself and to know what I was feeling. I realized that if I wanted to live a life of any meaning and significance, I had better be aware of what I was feeling from moment to moment. This is what I focused on, and using tools to help me quit smoking, I was able to do this with success.

The powerful decision I made to know myself worked better for me than worrying about getting cancer in the future. This is one of the moments in my life that I remember as a milestone in my growth and I also remember how difficult it was. If I made it through quitting, I can make it through anything.

If there are any people who have quit smoking, why did you do it? Is anyone with me in not doing it for health?

My Quarterlife Crisis

Thursday, September 17th, 2009 by Abby

What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? Who are you going to be? What do you want?

All these thoughts floated through my mind as I read an article on the newest issue for 20-something’s – The Quarter Life Crisis. After reading this particular paragraph, “They (20-something’s) can’t make any decisions, because they don’t know what they want, and they don’t know what they want because they don’t know who they are, and they don’t know who they are because they’re allowed to be anyone they want,” I realized that this article (http://www.eyeweekly.com/article/55882) was hitting way too close to home.

I seem to have all this freedom – to  work where I want, live with who I want, spend money on what I want – the possibilities seem endless, but the ultimate problem is I don’t know what it is that I want! I already have food, shelter, freedom, political rights and all the other stuff – so what’s missing? Why am I not satisfied?

By the end of the article I realized that in order to steer clear from this crisis I needed to change my frame of mind—and stop doing the same thing I have always done—beginning with exposing myself to new ideas.

Since starting work for the Wright Leadership Institute (www.wrightliving.com) I have been pushed for the first time in my life to think about what I want. Instead of following the prescribed path I have been given the chance to think about things for myself.

A big part of this has been learning to be honest with myself, which is far from fun most of the time.

But hey…no one said that self-actualization was easy and isn’t that ultimately what we’re all looking for?