We recently put my Mom who is 82 into a nursing home. Her diagnosis is vascular dementia. From the research, they say she would have up to 5 years and would probably die from a heart related condition like a stroke or a heart attack. It has been difficult knowing she ready to die. Right now, she is still capable of understanding and making decisions. Thus, we got her funeral arrangements in line and other wishes she has so we can’t fight about it as a family later and only honor her requests. 

I visit her more now that she lives closer. We had a challenging relationship over the years. Over the past several years, we have expressed all our feelings to each other. Today, we are closer than ever and have a greater appreciation for each other as well. The fighting over the years, the truth telling on both our parts, I believe created a more intimate relationship. 

During our visits, I have told her I want her to die in peace. It has been a wonderful process for me with my mom to be reviewing her life. I have enjoyed knowing her more and sharing with her about my feelings about my experience of her. It has been healing for both of us. I have been supporting her with coming to terms with her life and how she lived. She is expressing more feelings. I am experiencing her in transforming her life. She is ready to die and that saddens me. I am challenging her to have a purpose in these final years rather than just waiting.

I know when my mom dies, I will be sad, yet I will also be happy for knowing we will feel nothing but love for each other and hopefully my mom will feel less shame and regret about her life. I can say this has been only possible because of the personal growth work I have done over the years at the Wright Leadership Institute. It has been by my decision to be honest with her and her with me and talking about all the “unconventional” feelings and judgments that most families would say you shouldn’t say to each other. This has created more closeness than I ever thought I would have.